Why do we stress? 6 easy steps to eliminate stress today

(An update on the previous article)

Stress, the all too familiar feeling of anxiety and the lack of self believe.

You do get good stress, but it is actually bad stress handled in a good way. It should not feel necessary to stress to perform, it is not needed to have stress as a motivating or driving factor. We CAN create new, better motivational factors in our lives. Instead, use future driven goals instead of past programmed fears to achieve.

 

Why do we feel stress then?
We stress because we have a perceived fear of the outcome. The stressful thoughts then create a chemical release in the body and ‘stress’ is felt. We fear we are not capable to carry out the task successfully.

This however is just a perception.

 

Stress and anxiety is future orientated. Guilt is past oriented.  

Example: John at work was stressed about a task that needed to be performed. He was inexperienced and was fearing the act, possibly the fear of rejection underlying the stress. Because he had never done this before, the fear of rejection caused him to stress whether he is capable to carry out the task.
Peter on the other hand did not stress about it because he have done it before numerous times.
So where is the difference? It is not the task, because Peter could carry out the same task without stress.

It was the perceived idea that he could fail. The self believe was not strong enough to overcome the stress of the situation.

You can say that Peter had more experience and that is the reason why he did not stress. However, Peter had built up self-confidence within himself and cow faced new and different challenges with minimum to no stress, because he managed the place where stress come from. Perceptions in the mind.

Now, if stress is as a result of a fear, and a fear can be overcome, then there is no reason to stress, right? Just like the old saying, “Can you do something about the stress? If yes, then do it and don’t stress. If no, then there is no reason to stress, just prepare.”
Work on your fears and your stress will decrease to a point where you are the master of your life and you decide whether to feel stress or not.

At the end of the day, if you do not work to master your life, life will make you its servant. You have the power to choose your outcomes. You must just decide what your outcomes must be.
That is the power and importance of self-development, self-improvement and/or self-mastery, the latter sounds better, SELF MASTERY. yah

We all are allowed to feel wonderful every single day. The majority of people unfortunately chose to feel bad, miserable and blaming. A possible reason is that they do not want to take control of their life to this full extend.

 

How can we take control of the stresses that control us at times?

Stress is a choice, some know they are making the decision and others don’t. Stress can be avoided by being aware of the thought and emotion that is troubling you. By changing the thought and emotion associated with that fear, you will be able to remove stress.

 

Take these 6 steps to change a stressful situation in a successful outcome

1^st, become calm.

Do a breathing exercise and focus on how the body feel in the room you are sitting in. Try to feel what the body feels and try to feel around your body. (Feel with your senses, not handsJ)

 

1.     Write down what you are stressed about. How does it make you feel and think?

2.     What is the desired outcome you want without stress? Describe in detail, how does it make you feel?

3.     If you could take 1 action to eliminate this stress and get the desired outcome you want, what action would it be?

 

When you figured out the action/s that needs to be taken, put some timelines on it.

4.     How long should it take me to complete the action/s?

5.     Do I need anything to complete this task successfully?

6.     Now, take ACTION

 

The secret is to keep your focus on the desired outcome while performing the action.

 

With this plan in hand, your stress levels should be gone or under control at least. Trust in your plan. Believe it will work out as intended.

 

Intention + focus + action = desired result

 

Conclusion

We all are able to make decisions in our lives, do I want coffee or tea, hot or cold, etc. we just have not been taught how to use the brain/mind to make good decisions for ourselves, for our mental well-being.

 

Happy creating

Life is a choice, enjoy the journey.

 

Don’t be a D!CK

Will the act of 'not be a total asshole/d!ck' help the world? Lets see..

Why do we have so many rules in society? 

Is it all really necessary? Is it really to ‘protect’ us from “bad” people? Who are these bad people?

If you look at history, when a country had the least laws, it had low crime and suffering. These days we have laws for almost everything, supposedly protecting us from “bad” people…protecting us from one another.

If you say someone is fat, you can get sued. If someone offends your feelings, you can sue them. If someone made an honest mistake, you can sue them. If a doctor made an honest mistake, he gets sued for all he has.

By allowing all these laws we have given our power away to these ‘governing institutions’. We have given our ability away to manage ourselves. Not be offended, to love instead. We have given our power away of health, by giving the power and trust of our bodies to people who speculate and treat your symptoms, all the while your body is a self-healing and self-maintaining vessel. We have given our health away by not trusting our bodies, not feeding it what it requires, not understating our bodies or even doing the effort to know our bodies. We ask some else to treat our bodily issues that we created.

It is time that we take responsibility back, take back our lives. Take back our minds.

Why do we have all these laws…Is it really necessary?

There should only be one law to work from…

Don’t be a d!ck.

Simple, and easy to understand.

Think about it, this is a self-governing law. You will know when you are busy being a d!ck. Or when your intentions are to be a d!ck.

Cutting in front of someone in traffic unnecessarily

Short paying a bill

Being rude to someone

Thinking rude to someone or yourself

This it goes ‘all’ ways.

Don’t curse or be angry at the person who cut in front of you. His reason for cutting in front of you has nothing to do with you or how you feel. Keep your focus and awareness on yourself and the goodness of yourself.

Living in a non-d!ckery world will allow you to feel free, to trust life. To live in abundance.

If we all live in a world where we are honest and sincere and non-d!cks, we will never have issues again. If there are people who decide to be a d!ck, then the person will quickly feel unwelcome and guilty in a society like that, and leave or change. It’s only when you allow bad people to make the rules that they take over. When you have lost trust in yourself and your abilities.

We need to trust. We need to make the required changes to live in a world we desire and would be proud to leave to other generations.

“We left the earth better than it was”.

Don’t be a d!ck. Pick up the piece of paper on the ground. Don’t be a d!ck, even if it is not your paper. We can change this world in less than a generation, if we all start to work together.

Someone once asked me during a crappy political discussion close to voting time, how are we going to change this world, all the political parties are crappy?

The answer is…Yourself. If you change yourself, then you don’t have to wait for a political party to be big enough, get enough signature or get the right votes for your safety and concerns.

By taking action self for the betterment of all, you get an instant ‘party’ that is bigger than any political party.

Why? Because when it comes down to it, we all have the same things at heart. We want to enjoy life, we want to live, we want to be free and have the freedom to be free. Not harm and not to be harmed. To live and become.

If we all chose ‘this’ party, the Party of Self, then we can change the world. Then we can change it instantly, and feel fantastic about it.

As easy as to choose to NOT BE A D!CK. Easy, don’t be a d!ck.

Make the right decision, don’t be a d!ck.

Do it now. In every moment. When you feel any emotion or feeling less desirable than happiness, joy and love, then think how you will respond.

Go and make someone a coffee or tea. Feel good.

Let’s live in a wonderful world. Let’s be proud.

Love, joy and understanding

#DBAD

#POS

 

Who is the "I" that I am?

Finding the "I" in it ALL

As of end of 2018 I have been on the pursuit to find the true I, the quest of 'Who am I?'
This quest goes deeper than “what’s my favourite colour” or “what’s my favourite food.“

The journey to find the ‘self’ is a journey of a 1000 steps. Never have a felt so far away from….myself. I mean I live here, in this body, why do I feel so distant with myself? Who is the self then? Who am I? Where am I seeing that I feel so distant from it. What am I feeling distant from?

I order for you know what the light is, you first need to immerse yourself into the darkness.

Who am I? It should be a simple clear answer, I am Francois, born in South Africa, worked at... Drives this... I like these type of things etc.

Or is it? I have changed my mind so many times about lots of these things, so am I the previous choice, or this new choice. What if I choose the previous choice again, because under new circumstances it makes more sense now?

Who am I?

I have read a statement a few years ago that I guided my searching’s for the self.

“That which is real, never changes.”

Am I the body? No, the body is in a constant state of change. Cells are breaking down and building up. It breaks and repairs, without YOU being involved.

The hair is cut to a style, but who is the one who decided on that style?  
If the body gets in an accident and lose both the legs, have the "I" halved as well? Am I going to love half, read only half a book, give only half your effort at work (job dependent, based on office work).

What if I become fat/anorexic/sic etc. Am I that sickness? Am I that overweight body? If I lose the weight or heal, who am I then?

The question then turns, who is the one who notices it is overweight?

Who is the one that wants to lose weight?

Am I my opinions then?

What if I lose my job, who am I then? What if I lose all my possessions and lifestyle? Who am I then? Will I feel broken or poor because I have no material possessions? How rich am I really...?

Opinions changes all the time. Which road is quicker? What shop is better? This is better than that… etc.

Opinions can change in an instant. And if you are that which never changes, then you are not the opinion, nor the thing that thinks it has an opinion.

Who and what decided on that opinion?

Who is providing the reason to change?

Who is the one that puts in more effort due to an accident?

Who is the one that feels loved when a lover hugs them?

Who is feeling thirsty?

Who am I?


Journeys to discovery
So I underwent multiple journeys through the years, searching for the “I”, not always realising that the more I search for it, the more it seems to be... Well, nowhere.

I started to find that I learn most, not on or during my journeys in nature, but rather afterwards, at home reflecting.

That realisation made my trip in India much better. I didn’t learn as much spiritually during my time there as I did after reflecting back. So I didn’t expect to learn much, but rather to just absorb the moment. That made a difference.

The revered saint in India, Ramana Maharshi made the teaching of “Who am I” popular in recent times.

What I have found in the end, or shall I rather say to date, is a liberation from ego, freedom, freedom of choice, thinking, feeling and doing (to an extent, written during covid 19 lockdown J)

What I found was the I. The “I” looking and observing it all. Unattached and beyond words.

There is still room for improvement and I don't always maintain this state all the time, nor at that intense levels. The aspiration is to maintain it, stay the “I”.

For now, it seems certain portions of the ego is required to create certain experiences... Or so I think.

The journey to the “I” does not need to be a lifelong search, if you are a seeker you will always be a seeker. Be a finder instead.

Find the “I”, and live anew thereafter.

The “I” is here, now, beyond your senses, mind and body. But it is here... Find it

Finding the Self is to become quite and listen for the self. We tend to clog up the mind so much that we can’t even hear ourselves.

I would love to hear from you, write me if you have any questions or comments.

Live and prosper

Who is the “I” we keep on referring to

Who is the “I” we keep on referring to

A contemplation of “I”

I was sitting in one of my solitude sessions and the realisation suddenly occurred to me about the “I” we refer to as us/myself/our self. Now, I have heard this before and I understand it intellectually, however I’ve never seen it ‘as it is’. In the shoes of the “I”, so to say.

The “I” we refer to as yourself is the same “I” someone else refer to as themselves. This is above your self-identity when someone ask you “who you are”.  When you think, “I am thirsty”, is the same “I” I would refer to when I think “I am thirsty”. We don’t think “I, the male/female body, that is working at this job, staying in this location, with these type of friends, am thirsty”. The “I” transcends the body and persona.

This comes down to the question, “Who am I?” Who is the one that is thirsty? Who is the one reading this?

 Your intellectual body, your emotional body, your logical mind?

If we all have the same “I”, then what is it that makes us see the world in different ways? It is our perceptions, expectations and beliefs to name a few. This is formed by the way we interpret experiences. I.e. I bumped my toe in the dark when I was a small kid, now I fear the dark and always have a light on. There is no real need to fear the dark, but your interpretation of your experience made this be.

So, back to the “I” idea.

If someone is intimidating towards you, Remember, that is the persons ego/persona responding or reacting. The “I” in that person is the same “I” as you are. And you are magnificent, eternal and brilliant. Understand and accept the person for the “I” he/she is, and not the responding/reacting of the persona/ego.

Same goes the other way around, if I see someone in less light than me, manipulate them, lie to them, use them etc. then who am I actually seeing in that bad light? This is very prevalent in relationships. If the ego/persona is not real/an illusion, then who/what am I seeing in that bad light.

If we all are the “I” behind the ego/persona, then aren’t I thinking those things about my own entity as well? Ponder on this for a while. Anything less than pure bliss and perfection is the ego talking. So investigate why you think you are perceiving life and people the way you are. Remember, to change your life is just a perception away.

Respect others (People, animals, plants), not because you deserve it, but because they deserve it.

If you can see the “I” in everybody and yourself, then you will see the world as an acting performance. We all are wearing different costumes, acting and responding differently to fulfill our role.

After this performance, we all will be back to the same place, laughing about our experiences. Like a close loving family who never really was apart.

Get to know yourself by asking these questions.

Go and sit in a place of solitude and ask yourself the questions.

·        Who am I?

·        What am I?

·        Where am I?

·        How do I feel like?

These questions will stretch your mind and being and get you back to your true self.

Enjoy the journey

What is your Resting Face telling you?

What is your “Resting face”?

The Face

We are all unique in our own way, and one of the easiest way to identify our uniqueness is by our faces and how we use it.

Here are some interesting facts about the face before we carry on.

-         A person’s face has 43 muscles

-         It takes 12 muscles for a genuine smile.

-         Of these 43 muscles, there are 21 mimetic facial muscles that are directly attached to your skin that create your expressions. We are capable of making +-10 000 unique facial expressions.

-         Sincere expressions are more symmetrical than insincere ones

So, if your facial expressions are created by muscles, and muscles grow larger and stronger the more you use them, then your face is a result of the facial expression/s mostly used, conscious and unconscious.

Worried face, happy face, angry face etc.

This is where your Resting Face comes in.

It is the facial expressions you have when you are not aware of it, caused by your underlying/subconscious thoughts.

Let’s delve deeper into it.

This is your Resting Face, or RF. This ‘face’ tells a lot about the type of thoughts that keeps your subconscious mind busy.

Are you worried, concerned, anxious or fearful?

Or are you caring, loving, compassionate, or successful?

Your RF will also indicate if you are congruent with your goals or if they are just dreams. Ex. Do you want to be a loving person, but your thoughts and RF is of resentment.

We can sense from a person’s face what type of person they are or use to be for a long time. A simple example is trust, you can often sense if you can or can’t trust a person just by looking at a person’s face.

In order for a person to have an untrustworthy face, the person must have un-trusting thoughts and feelings most of the time.

Thoughts like, I don’t trust in my ability do this project successfully or up to standard. I don’t trust my partner for any reason.

Any thoughts related to trust (Someone else or yourself) is an indication that you have not resolved your trust with yourself. Trust goes both ways, trusting someone else, and trusting yourself.

“Finding trust in yourself is more difficult than finding distrust in others.”

What do I need to look out for?

One way to realise what triggers your RF is to monitor what you think about, what are the stories and conversations you are making up in your mind. These stories triggers your body to respond, in twitches and expressions.

Have you ever noticed while you sat alone that your body has some twitches? Have you ever noticed that sometimes you hold tight/gripping on to your body or your other hand? This also happens when you watch action movies, swerving to the side to help guide the person away from danger. This shows the link between the mind and body.

Be wary what you think.

So what stories do you keep having and making up in your mind?

Is it stories of success or pain? These stories might change in terms of characters, venues and circumstances, but the core is always the same.

Thoughts like this;

Loss – losing something, being robbed, getting something (Promotion or car) then it being taken away.

This can be due to thoughts of unworthiness.

Unworthiness – I want that promotion but I what if I am not good enough for the role? I’m not good enough to maintain the job position or partner or possession, it’s only a matter of time before it will be over.

Being chased/wanted – Someone is always on your case (Boss/loved one etc.). You don’t do things right hence why they are after you.

Victim thoughts – It’s always me/my fault. Why am I so bad at this? I don’t deserve this. It’s because of me that others are not enjoying themselves.

Etc.

These are all stories that you might find entertaining on a strange level, but are actually moulding your perception of reality.

To give you an example: Let’ say for instance you walk in a mall or street and are constantly looking behind you to make sure there is no one trying to rob you or take something away from you.

Another example: you accidentally bump into another person and you keep on thinking and reliving the scenario for hours/days, expanding on how it turned out, possibilities of what can happen now, “what if the person takes me to court and says it’s all my fault. What will happen to my kids, my job…

These stories all have a RF. If you constantly have thoughts of worry, your face will show worry, if you have constantly thoughts of love and caring, your face will show love and caring.

Any and every continuous thought pattern has a RF. Be wary of your thoughts.

How can I change?

From a very young age until your present state of being, your RF is in a continuous state of development and redevelopment. This development is directly influenced by your consciousness and unconscious state of mind of past, present and future experiences. It is therefore of utmost importance to become aware of your thought patterns and emotions…etc. 

One way I found to successfully make a positive change is to actively monitor the thoughts, stories and conversation that are constructed in my mind

Change your stories, change your life.

One way to change your RF, is to change your stories in your mind.

When you catch yourself making up stories again, stop, and consciously start thinking about new thoughts, thoughts you rather want to have, thought that gives you the RF you want. J

You will have to plan the new story ahead of time though, in order to replace the old story in that moment, else your mind will go back quickly to the old familiar story.

“You can’t change something if you don’t know what you are changing it too.”

Examples:

I feel my work is never good enough.

Story to replace it with…

I’m walking in my office building and everywhere I go I get compliments on my work delivery or way I handled clients. I feel good when I walk in the office. etc.

I’m at the bottom of the food chain, people always take advantage of me.

Story to replace it with…

People treat me like I want to be treated, with respect, honour, trust etc.

Exaggerate, give your mind something to hold on too, to build and expand on. Exaggerate your stories.

What is your ideal life? How does it look like? And more importantly, how does it feel like.

If you noticed, your life pretty much turns out the way you expect it to turn out. Change your expectations, change your story, and change your life.

This will help release the past thoughts that caused your current/previous RF.

The process might take time for some people, as you need to accept and forgive to let go. Some RF’s are from grudges and resentments towards loved ones, going back to early ears.

The most difficult part is realising and recognising that you had a major part in creating your RF, to turn the blame around into responsibility and taking action to change it. Nothing is set in stone. Change

By practicing and mastering this technique, will lead to emotional freedom. Freedom to think and feel what you want, when you want it.

How important is emotional freedom for you…?

All this work is simple, the difficult part is self-discipline.

Accept this challenge and change your RF to a joyous face.

Happy thinking and feeling.

Remember, Change your story, change your life.

Love

Peace

Injoy

 

 Picture not my own

Un - Comfort zones

Comfort zones

What is a comfort zone? A place of familiarity that feels too comfortable to leave. Like being in a warm bed on a cold winter's day, it's nice, but eventually you need to get up and go to the toilet. 

A comfort zone is not always a nice (positive) place, but it is a safe place, the known. A comfort zone can be something like an abusive relationship, a bad work situation, lack of money or love or just a 'good' life, not the best life you really want. 

It is 'safe' from the responsibility of our own actions that keep us from planning and figuring out how to get to new heights or just out of our current situation. It requires little effort to stay I a comfort zone. 

A comfort zone can become a pit, an ever deepening pit if we aren't careful. As human beings, we are meant to grow and change. 

Breaking a comfort zone is a daunting task. It brings with it doubt, fear, frustration, disbelief and hard work.

This all is to ask you, do you really want this? If you decide no, it is too difficult, then you plunge back into the old familiar for another few years or until you can't bear the zone. 

Results usually come after frustration. You are being tested to your core, you are feeling bad, uncertain and frustrated with your thoughts, thinking and the lack of results in the outside world. But keep on persevering, results come after the frustration. Don't give up, never give up. Always keep your eyes on the prize. No successful person ever gave up just before the results came. 

I have recently placed myself out of my comfort zone. Well, events happened to lead me there because I didn't take the leap on my own. It put me so far out that I thought I lost a portion of myself. The feelings of having lost your identity and entity, the essence of who you are where questioned, and interrogated. Who were I the last 30 years…? and it all lead to this? To me feeling this way? It cant be. It has to be more than this. That time it was the worst thing ever, just to reflect back and see the magic the situation held for me. 

I remembered that frustration and disillusionment is part of the process of breaking free from a comfort zone, and so I persevered. It was tough and sometimes it felt lonely on the journey 

This 'zone breaking' came at a time where I needed to build a new perception of 'self' and the reality I choose to live in. I sometimes find that talking to people put you back in your comfort zone, they 'comfort' you to feel comfortable where you are now, in tour comfort zone. So choose careful who you share yourself with, you need people that uplift and support you to newer heights. 

Sometimes, you need to be frustrated with the self. Be sooo alone that you HAVE to find a solution, no one can baby you and feel sorry for you. That just keeps you in your comfort zone. Create a week or a month away from everything, alone. 

So I was amongst millions of people in India, but still alone. The English speaking ability of the people in some places is a bare minimum, uttering a selected few words and gesturing with the hands...food,toilet.. etc. Speaking to people about a deep life situation was not possible. 

It forced the mind to find resolutions within, to feel the frustration and to find a way out. 

During this comfort zone breaking, I realised that I created an uncomfort zone for myself the past few years. 

An uncomfort zone is a zone of familiarity inside your comfort zone. You don't like it, but you also don't do enough to break free from it. 

How did I break that zone? Perseverance, trust, trust the process, trust the body. It doesn't matter how you feel, keep your eyes on the prise and never deviate. You will feel down and confused. This is where faith, trust and belief comes in. Keep going, trust your judgement. Have faith in your desisions. And belief in the outcome, belief it already happened. 

I am thankful for this lesson, thankful for the events that lead to this situation. If it was not for that, I would still be searching and living inside my uncomfort zone. 

Breaking your comfort zone is not a fun place to be at, but it is worth it in the end. It only lasts a short while, then you can have the new life, the life you envisioned. 

Keep your eyes on the prize and endure the frustration. It's only a necessary part of your growth to New heights.

Get outside the zone, trust, have faith and believe. 

Injoy