Who is the "I" that I am?

Finding the "I" in it ALL

As of end of 2018 I have been on the pursuit to find the true I, the quest of 'Who am I?'
This quest goes deeper than “what’s my favourite colour” or “what’s my favourite food.“

The journey to find the ‘self’ is a journey of a 1000 steps. Never have a felt so far away from….myself. I mean I live here, in this body, why do I feel so distant with myself? Who is the self then? Who am I? Where am I seeing that I feel so distant from it. What am I feeling distant from?

I order for you know what the light is, you first need to immerse yourself into the darkness.

Who am I? It should be a simple clear answer, I am Francois, born in South Africa, worked at... Drives this... I like these type of things etc.

Or is it? I have changed my mind so many times about lots of these things, so am I the previous choice, or this new choice. What if I choose the previous choice again, because under new circumstances it makes more sense now?

Who am I?

I have read a statement a few years ago that I guided my searching’s for the self.

“That which is real, never changes.”

Am I the body? No, the body is in a constant state of change. Cells are breaking down and building up. It breaks and repairs, without YOU being involved.

The hair is cut to a style, but who is the one who decided on that style?  
If the body gets in an accident and lose both the legs, have the "I" halved as well? Am I going to love half, read only half a book, give only half your effort at work (job dependent, based on office work).

What if I become fat/anorexic/sic etc. Am I that sickness? Am I that overweight body? If I lose the weight or heal, who am I then?

The question then turns, who is the one who notices it is overweight?

Who is the one that wants to lose weight?

Am I my opinions then?

What if I lose my job, who am I then? What if I lose all my possessions and lifestyle? Who am I then? Will I feel broken or poor because I have no material possessions? How rich am I really...?

Opinions changes all the time. Which road is quicker? What shop is better? This is better than that… etc.

Opinions can change in an instant. And if you are that which never changes, then you are not the opinion, nor the thing that thinks it has an opinion.

Who and what decided on that opinion?

Who is providing the reason to change?

Who is the one that puts in more effort due to an accident?

Who is the one that feels loved when a lover hugs them?

Who is feeling thirsty?

Who am I?


Journeys to discovery
So I underwent multiple journeys through the years, searching for the “I”, not always realising that the more I search for it, the more it seems to be... Well, nowhere.

I started to find that I learn most, not on or during my journeys in nature, but rather afterwards, at home reflecting.

That realisation made my trip in India much better. I didn’t learn as much spiritually during my time there as I did after reflecting back. So I didn’t expect to learn much, but rather to just absorb the moment. That made a difference.

The revered saint in India, Ramana Maharshi made the teaching of “Who am I” popular in recent times.

What I have found in the end, or shall I rather say to date, is a liberation from ego, freedom, freedom of choice, thinking, feeling and doing (to an extent, written during covid 19 lockdown J)

What I found was the I. The “I” looking and observing it all. Unattached and beyond words.

There is still room for improvement and I don't always maintain this state all the time, nor at that intense levels. The aspiration is to maintain it, stay the “I”.

For now, it seems certain portions of the ego is required to create certain experiences... Or so I think.

The journey to the “I” does not need to be a lifelong search, if you are a seeker you will always be a seeker. Be a finder instead.

Find the “I”, and live anew thereafter.

The “I” is here, now, beyond your senses, mind and body. But it is here... Find it

Finding the Self is to become quite and listen for the self. We tend to clog up the mind so much that we can’t even hear ourselves.

I would love to hear from you, write me if you have any questions or comments.

Live and prosper