How to escape the cycle of negative learning?

 

Is it possible to learn from good experiences instead of bad and stressful situations?

 

It seems to be easier to learn and grow from a dark place, the light seems brighter from there. This principle follows the rule of ‘cycles of experience’. There is no up without down, there is no tall without short, there is no light without darkness, no happiness without sadness. In order for you to know one, you must know the other.

The cycles also scale up and down. In other words, tall and short goes in infinity, happiness and sadness work in degrees, for you to know what immense happiness is you will need to experience immense sadness.

 

 

 

This is the normal method we tend to take when we learn and grow. We dig ourself a hole just to climb out and experience the up end.

This should not be the only and best method to go by, should it? There must be a different way. That way is by learning from the up end and staying in the up end.

 

How does it work? How do we stay in the ‘up end’?

 

·        Self dicipline – you must do what is right and stick to it even if you don’t feel like it

·        In order to stay in the up end, you must learn to have an attitude of gratitude. Having an attitude of gratitude will keep you from questioning the up end and will allow you to stay there. Learn to be grateful for everything and every situation.

·        Journal about your progress daily. Journal what you wanted to achieve and the emotions/feelings you want to experience and your progress towards it.

At the end of your day, sit and reflect on the day that has passed, and find all the situations where you felt good or great. Write them down and see what made you feel that way. What thoughts or actions triggered them? Can you replicate those events again to feel those feelings? Can you summon feeling at will where you are sitting now?

·        How can you re-create a situation tomorrow that will make you feel that good again? What can you add to increase that feeling? How long can you maintain that feeling? What will your day look like if you plan your day in advance to feel and experience that greatness again?

 

Next, turn the cycle into a spiral, an upward spiral. Just as you can go into a downward spiral of depression, you are able to go into an upward spiral of motivation. You just need a method.

The key is to ride the wave, build habits around growing from positive events instead of difficult ‘negative’ events.

Congratulate yourself when you get a new habit right.

Encourage yourself to be fearless.

Remind yourself to stay at the top of the spiral.

Staying at the top of the spiral requires effort and concentration, especially at the start.

 

This is part of what I call “Life planning”, planning your life the way you want to feel in it, what you want to experience. Afterall, what you think and what you feel is about the only control you have in your life, so plan it out and build the best life experience you can.

 

 

Here are a few things to keep in mind when using this method.

·        When you stay too long in the up end, you get used to it and do not notice that you are there, that you are happy, in love, rich, accepted etc. I.e. You tend to forget you are so happy that you ask the question, “but am I really happy? Do I deserve this? What is happiness?” Those questions by itself start the cycle again and will bring you sadness so you can see what happiness is again, or difficult times to show you the good times. Get it?

·        It is important to maintain a journal to remind you of what you are doing and how you feel.

It is important to keep a journal of gratitude. A gratitude journal will keep you in the up end and will justify it. Without the gratitude journal you will forget to remain grateful and start questioning life around you. Questions like, am I really this grateful? Am I really deserving of this love or this money? Keeping that journal will reinforce your gratitude state and keep on finding reasons to be grateful.

 

In short, have an attitude of gratitude and plan your day. Plan your life. An attitude of gratitude will keep you from questioning your life. All questions in life will be answered for you, so avoid asking damaging questions. Gratitude will keep your mind on the good in your life. What you think about you bring about.

 

Love and happiness my friends

Francois Conradie