Being and feeling in Love

Is striving to be/feel in love ALL the time a worthwhile thing? Can it even be achieved, outside of movies?

Some people strive to be in love in a relationship all the time. Some people work on “keeping it alive”. Which is not right or wrong, good or bad, depends on the intention.

The “In love” feeling a chemical that your brain releases when certain criteria is met in your mins. i.e. When a girl dresses a certain way, has her hair done a certain way and touches you while she speaks to you, THEN, you are in love.

There is a flaw or challenge with that ‘Wanting’ of being In Love.

-         By being in love All the time, you will forget how it feels to be “In love”. (Because you can’t have warm in the absence of cold. If there is no cold, how do you know something is warm?) You will come to realise this, and willingly or unwillingly fall out of love just to be able to feel ‘in love’ again. Not knowing this cycle and yearning to feel in love ALL the time, can cause couples to fight/argument just to make up afterwards to feel the ‘in love’ feeling again.

Start to look inside if you and your partner are fighting or arguing a lot. IS one or both of you looking to feel in love, or are you really just incompatible. Face the truth and make a plan. Relationships should work, it should not be work. If you choose for your relationship to be work, then so it will be. I suggest, choose something else and make it happen.

A way to overcome this:

1.      Plan your ‘In Love’ feelings/situations with your partner, so that it doesn’t happen unwillingly after a “talk” or fight.

Plan it in the mental and emotional sense as well. This is basically where date night comes in, however it is not used and understood correctly. This is where you should plan to feel in love again for the night. Both partners must of course be fully invested in this. Plan how you will feel in the presence of your partner, how your partner will feel in your presence. How will every touch feel, every word spoken, every breath taken feel for you? How will the night feel, from start to finish. Visualise this a few days in advance. The more intense and believable the visualisation, the more you will have that experience. Have fun.

This is way less hassle that the fight and make up route.

2.      Realise this cycle and end it. Understand who you are and why you wanted and/or needed to feel in love all the time. Understand what a relationship is without he in love feeling all the time. Understand that a relationship can be something else as well. Define what a relationship means FOR YOU, and live it. Plan step 1 above if you want the experience of in love again. Its never gone, you just choose to be in control of the feeling of ‘in love’.

Realise that when the in love phase is over, you are just 2 people living together. You need to look past the in love qualities and look at the person underneath when you make long term commitments. Choose a person whom you can live with easily and effortlessly. Whom you share common values, like keeping the place tidy, putting the toothpaste cap on so it doesn’t dry out etc.

Some people choose 1 partner for the rest of their life, make it a good one. Get along and love a lot and love the journey. You have decided you don’t want to do this journey alone and chose a partner. Make it fun.

A relationship should be amazing and magic. If it is not, change it or change yourself.