Is striving to be/feel in love ALL the time a worthwhile
thing? Can it even be achieved, outside of movies?
Some people strive to be in love in a relationship all
the time. Some people work on “keeping it alive”. Which is not right or wrong,
good or bad, depends on the intention.
The “In love” feeling a chemical that your brain releases
when certain criteria is met in your mins. i.e. When a girl dresses a certain
way, has her hair done a certain way and touches you while she speaks to you,
THEN, you are in love.
There is a flaw or challenge with that ‘Wanting’ of being
In Love.
-
By being in love All the time, you will forget
how it feels to be “In love”. (Because you can’t have warm in the absence of
cold. If there is no cold, how do you know something is warm?) You will come to
realise this, and willingly or unwillingly fall out of love just to be able to
feel ‘in love’ again. Not knowing this cycle and yearning to feel in love ALL
the time, can cause couples to fight/argument just to make up afterwards to
feel the ‘in love’ feeling again.
Start to look inside if you and your partner are fighting
or arguing a lot. IS one or both of you looking to feel in love, or are you
really just incompatible. Face the truth and make a plan. Relationships should
work, it should not be work. If you choose for your relationship to be work,
then so it will be. I suggest, choose something else and make it happen.
A way to overcome this:
1. Plan
your ‘In Love’ feelings/situations with your partner, so that it doesn’t happen
unwillingly after a “talk” or fight.
Plan it in the mental and
emotional sense as well. This is basically where date night comes in, however it
is not used and understood correctly. This is where you should plan to feel in
love again for the night. Both partners must of course be fully invested in
this. Plan how you will feel in the presence of your partner, how your partner
will feel in your presence. How will every touch feel, every word spoken, every
breath taken feel for you? How will the night feel, from start to finish. Visualise
this a few days in advance. The more intense and believable the visualisation,
the more you will have that experience. Have fun.
This is way less hassle that
the fight and make up route.
2. Realise
this cycle and end it. Understand who you are and why you wanted and/or needed
to feel in love all the time. Understand what a relationship is without he in
love feeling all the time. Understand that a relationship can be something else
as well. Define what a relationship means FOR YOU, and live it. Plan step 1
above if you want the experience of in love again. Its never gone, you just
choose to be in control of the feeling of ‘in love’.
Realise that when the in love phase is over, you are just
2 people living together. You need to look past the in love qualities and look
at the person underneath when you make long term commitments. Choose a person
whom you can live with easily and effortlessly. Whom you share common values,
like keeping the place tidy, putting the toothpaste cap on so it doesn’t dry out
etc.
Some people choose 1 partner for the rest of their life,
make it a good one. Get along and love a lot and love the journey. You have
decided you don’t want to do this journey alone and chose a partner. Make it
fun.
A relationship should be amazing and magic. If it is not,
change it or change yourself.
